The Texas Hill Country, Fredericksburg, TX | Houston, TX | Spirit Lake, IA
"One on One" Counseling/coaching (Online or In-PersoN)
For Individuals
For Couples and Families
For Couples and Families
- Dealing with stress, worry, fear, self-doubt or inability to trust
- Dealing with sadness, loneliness, isolation, singleness, or problems with sleep
- Needing support during transitions: divorce, death or illness of a loved one
- Support during personal illness and recovery, self or spouse
- Achieving personal and professional goals, setting priorities
- Understanding the meaning of life and finding life’s purpose and relevance
- Deepening one’s relationship with God, questions about God, spirituality, faith
- Controlling negative thoughts and feelings and learning to live positively
- Wanting a thought partner for learning, growth or life changes.
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For Couples and Families
For Couples and Families
For Couples and Families
- Premarital counseling, decision-making, wedding preparation
- Developing greater intimacy in marriage; marriage enrichment
- Managing and resolving conflicts in marriage
- Dealing with family relationships (differences, conflicts, extended family, emotional distancing)
- Mission or purpose of marriage in or outside the family
- Dealing with social media
- Support for times when spouse is incapacitated, sick, or failing
- Post-divorced family and ex-spouse issues
- Empty nest
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For Business Leaders
For Couples and Families
For Business Leaders
- Executive coaching, leadership and managerial effectiveness
- Strategy and planning (making decisions, structuring and animating change)
- Mission, vision, values and culture (business purpose and corporate responsibility)
- Creating a “Best Place to Work”
- Complex problem solving, managing change; identifying & using the right data to make decisions
- Profit enhancement
- Communication and people skills
- Training
- Managing stress, time, work/family issues
- Project management
Our Approach to Working with You
Individuals, Couples and Families
What we don’t do . . .
- We don't normally diagnose or label you as having a mental or emotional health disorder. We consider the past, but focus most on the present and the future. If we observe what might be a significant medical or psychological disorder, we will discuss this with you and refer you to a professional who has expertise with the issue you are facing. We do collaborate with other professionals (medical or psychological) to provide support.
- We don't tell you what to do, how to do it, or how you should live your life. We may offer suggestions but you will decide what is best for you.
- We don't have a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. We allow room for differences, individual experience and customized solutions that fit your situation.
- We don’t keep our approach secret. While our conversations with you are confidential, we don't keep secrets from you. Our clients do not normally spend endless hours “on the couch.” We meet face-to-face, in person or on Zoom, sitting across from one another, sometimes with notepads, dry erase boards and homework. We are transparent in our approach and will tell you up front what we are doing, why we think the approach we are taking will help, and how long the process should take.
What we do . . .
- We come to you with empathy, kindness, and a deep desire to help you resolve your issues, better manage your problems and achieve your goals.
- We use and stay current with evidence-based theories, philosophies, and models that are effective at helping you address your issues. Importantly, we are able to explain the process to you so that you can understand it and apply it to your own life. Click here to see our descriptions of the helpful approaches we use with our clients: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Working with Couples, and Working with Families.
- We apply the highest ethical and professional standards in our work with you. Click here to see our Code of Ethics.
- We make referrals to medical and psychology professionals when your concerns are beyond our ability to help.
- We are transparent about our fees and will work with you to make financial arrangements manageable.
- With your consent, we will explore with you comprehensively (physically, emotionally, mentally, behaviorally and spiritually) how your life is being impacted by the concerns you have. We see all these elements as interrelated and as pathways that can influence and create health. Therefore, for example, changing a behavior or a thought can change how we feel.
- We provide a library of free resources (articles and links) that are available here and that we will refer to you as might be helpful.
- We will arrange in-person meetings at our office or at your office or home, or Zoom meetings. Click here to see how to Get Started.
What Is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and How Does it Help?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a scientific evidence-based method of helping that recognizes a reciprocal interplay among our thoughts, behaviors and emotions. Changes in any one of these can impact the others. For example, when working with a person who feels depressed or anxious, changes in dysfunctional or negative ways of thinking can have a positive impact. All three are considered mechanisms for change.
CBT is a short-term, goal-oriented approach that can be thought of as a combination of behavioral therapy and talk-therapy. This hands-on, practical approach to problem-solving helps by changing our behavior and attitudes through a deeper understanding of thoughts, images, beliefs, and attitudes. The treatment is customized for each person or couple with regard to differences in personalities and specific needs.
CBT has proven to be a successful approach for treating a number of concerns including depression, anxiety, anger management, marital crisis, PTSD, eating disorders and many others. The goal in a coaching or therapeutic setting is to help you learn to use CBT as a lifelong self-help tool.
CBT breaks problems down into smaller pieces to give detailed attention to each part (the situation, the emotions, the thoughts, the behaviors, the physical/health and spiritual impacts). The techniques help you disrupt negative, automatic thoughts, and replace them with more helpful ones. The overall goal is to teach you the skill of breaking down negative thought patterns and changing them into a more helpful approach to handling daily life.
Working with Couples
Developing Intimacy and Relevance
In my experience, couples come to talk for one of four reasons. First, they’re getting married or are getting married a second (or third) time and want to prepare for it. Second, there’s conflict in the relationship (e.g., communication, arguing, bad habits, emotional and physical distancing, infidelity); they either want to address it or they want to find a civil way to break up. Third, circumstances outside their relationship have created conflict; they love each other and they want to figure out how to address it together. Such issues could be parenting-related, job-related, time for each other, financial issues, or parental or other relative interference in the marriage. Finally, couples come for enrichment; they love each other, have no big issues, they just want to make their marriage better, more intimate and exciting. Perhaps there has been a change of life (e.g., kids are gone; retirement) and they need a plan, a new purpose or a new way to structure their lives together.
Intimacy is an art, not a science. There are many satisfying ways of relating, and many types of constructive relationships. Some are formed between couples who are alike, who are "made for each other," whose life together is quiet and comfortable, whose personalities complement one another. Some are formed between couples who are different, who balance deep passion with frequent and vigorous arguments, whose personalities compensate for what the other lacks.
We use a variety of approaches to help couples reconcile and cultivate an intimate, mutually satisfying partnership, at home and in the world. These help couples focus, individually and together, on practical ways to address conflict and on developing the capabilities that create and sustain intimacy. Relevant goals include congruence, respect, tolerance, open communication, sexual intimacy, trust, friendship, purpose and transcendence. We work together to developed the kinds of thoughts, actions and conditions necessary to keep us close, words and deeds that give meaning to the words, "I love you."
Working with Families
A Family Systems Approach
The relationships we have with our spouse and family are the most important relationships in our lives. These relationships are very complex and when they are conflicted, can have a significantly negative impact on our thoughts, emotions and actions, an impact that can disrupt all parts of our lives. We believe that these relationships, no matter how broken, can be healed, that we can learn new ways of interacting that build lasting intimacy and support the emotional and physical health of the couple and the family as a whole.
Family Systems Theory involves a number of approaches to healing families that share a view that the family is an emotional unit or a “system”, where family members are intensely, emotionally connected. Each person’s individual actions impact the actions and emotions of the other members of the family. Based on how each family member acts, the family either stays in balance or develops problems (dysfunction). Thus, for example, the anxiety or stress that one person (or each person) in the family feels can spread throughout the whole family. Issues in families normally surface in one or in any combination of four ways: as marital conflict, issues with one spouse, issues with one or more children, or emotional distancing.
We work with family members as a unit to help them better understand their group dynamic, to help the family work better together overall, and to help them understand how their behavior can affect other members of the family. Each member of the family will have the chance to voice their opinions or discuss any troubles. The family then works together to find a solution for how to relieve stress from the individual and strain from the family as a whole.
Families who are struggling with conflict, as well as couples in the same situation, can benefit from family systems approaches. The therapy can also help with conditions such as illness, anxiety or depression, so if a member of the family has one of these conditions, it can be helpful for the whole family to come together and learn how to help the individual better cope with the condition.
GETTING STARTED
Take the First Step
Getting started is easy. The hardest part is taking out your phone and calling me at 713-256-9039, or you can text me, or send me an email (paul@oneononewithpaul.com) that says “I’d like to talk.” If I happen to be busy, I’ll call you back, or return your text or email as soon as I can, usually within two hours.
During that initial conversation, you can tell me what’s on your mind, I’ll listen, ask a few questions and let you know if I think I can help. If I think the issue you’re facing requires that you talk to a specialist (to someone particularly skilled in dealing with your issue), I’ll give you their name and contact information. If I think I can help, I’ll ask you if you’d like to make an appointment to talk with me. If so, we will schedule the first meeting. The first meeting is free.
The first meeting can be in person, at my office, at a coffee shop or anywhere that you feel comfortable. I can also talk with you by phone or on Zoom. I was a little skeptical of how this would work over the phone or online, but my experience with it has been very good, although I always prefer face-to-face meetings. The meetings last 1 hour. I do take emergency calls, without appointments, when I am available.
During the first meeting, we will start getting to know each other and building trust. I’ll ask you more questions to make sure I have a clear understanding of what you want to achieve. I’ll talk with you about how we might proceed, if you want to continue working with me. I’ll describe my initial thoughts about how I might help you. We will talk about my expectations of you, and about how much time we might need together (most issues get worked through within 12-18 weeks, many faster).
The process involves four parts: First, we'll spend some time building trust and getting to know one another, so that our conversations can be honest. Second, we'll gather information about the problem you're facing, conducting an in-depth analysis, so that we're both certain that we are solving the right problem and focusing on the things that matter most. Third, we'll develop a plan to address the issue, setting goals and identifying the actions that will help. Fourth, we'll execute the plan and track progress so that we know that things are working ; if they are not, we will make changes to increase the effectiveness of what we're doing together. I'll be your partner and guide throughout the whole process,
We will also talk about fees. I don’t take insurance, but will work with you on the fee, so it’s manageable. There will be some paperwork to fill out. I’ll share with you my Code of Ethics, we will talk about confidentiality, and answer any other questions you may have.
Here’s a contact form you can fill out and send to me to get the process started. Also, to call me now, just click on my number, 713-256-9039.
Our Code of Ethics
- Explain and ensure that, prior to or at the initial meeting, my Client(s) understand(s) the nature and potential value of our conversations, the nature and limits of confidentiality, financial arrangements, and any other terms of our working agreement.
- Maintain the strictest levels of confidentiality with all parties as agreed upon. I am aware of and agree to comply with all applicable laws that pertain to personal data and communications.
- Maintain, store and dispose of any records, including electronic files and communications, created during my professional interactions in a manner that promotes confidentiality, security and privacy and complies with any applicable laws and agreements.
- Remain alert to indications that there might be a shift in the value received from the relationship. If so, encourage the Client to seek another professional or use a different resource.
- Respect all parties’ right to terminate the relationship at any point for any reason during the process.
- Keep aware of and actively manage any power or status difference between the Client and me that may be caused by cultural, relational, psychological or contextual issues.
- Assure consistent quality of service regardless of the amount or form of agreed compensation in any relationship.
- Commit to excellence through continued personal, professional and ethical development.
- Recognize my personal limitations or circumstances that may impair, conflict with or interfere with my performance or my professional relationships.
- Do not participate in any sexual or romantic engagement with Client(s). Be ever mindful of the level of intimacy appropriate for the relationship.
- Avoid discrimination by maintaining fairness and equality in all activities and operations, while respecting local rules and cultural practices. This includes, but is not limited to, discrimination on the basis of age, race, gender expression, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, national origin, disability or military status.
- Recognize and honor the contributions and intellectual property of others, only claiming ownership of my own material. I understand that a breach of this standard may subject me to legal remedy by a third party.
- Be honest and work within recognized scientific standards, applicable subject guidelines and boundaries of my competence when conducting and reporting research.
- Adhere to the philosophy of “doing good,” versus “avoiding bad.”